From a Lim | Queer Dating 101: review – HER

Last fall, we developed the

Queer Dating 101

series to talk about my frustrations, escapades, and learnings from internet dating during COVID.

By no means am we specialized as I only lately arrived on the scene later in life, but what we are lacking in knowledge, I replace with in interest, nerdiness, and a passion for severe empiricism (and that’s what this line is approximately!).

I’m thrilled to reprise and amp up

Queer Dating 101

this present year in cooperation with Autostraddle, the mind-blowing web site in which we discovered that I happened to be
a switch and exactly what that meant


Queer Dating 101

show was designed to elevates through pre-swiping programs through connection talk:

ICYMI Recap…

  • Study below for essential takeaways and ideas to attempt home
  • Check out the
    Occasion Splash Page
    for key backlinks and sources
  • View
    all the program recordings!


Mindset tips

  • 1+1>2: understand and suit your very own requirements
  • Focus on the abundance of methods for getting the feelz you want
  • You should not swipe while “horngry” (e.g., depressed, unfortunate, eager)
  • Cultivate a rise mindset: it’s not necessary to be worthwhile at any of this…

  • Getting rejected is great – you prefer a Hell certainly or Hell No! The “maybe” is actually pure Hell!

Identify your red and green flags before you start swiping

Choose the RIGHT pics to suit your profile

  • Finest picture very first
  • 1+ face, 1+ full-body image
  • Normal lighting
  • Carry outn’ts: glasses, hats, selfies, those who appear to be possible considerable others

Template to write a killer bio

  • Precisely what do you have to offer? 3 home themes/features
  • Exactly what are you shopping for? 2-3 eco-friendly flags
  • Slightly unique sum’n sum’n to allow you to get noticed! (age.g., laughter, surprise, masterful usage of emojis?)


  • Write-down your list of reddish and green flags
  • Update your profile


Getting rejected is great.

  • How to handle getting rejected:

    • Admit feelings/thoughts
    • Training self-care / self-compassion
    • Think about learnings
    • View the unfavorable self-talk
  • Getting rejected helps you save from wasting hard work regarding the wrong person.
  • Constantly Marie Kondo your own online dating applications

Reality bombs from Autostraddle’s Shelli, Drew, and Dani (take a look at the
video clip recording
for much more!)

  • Avoid being concerned about what other people contemplate you. Target what you experience yourself (becoming a negative bitch!)

    – Shelli
  • Become your authentic self and lead together with your interests so other people know what you value and you can find the appropriate match

    – Dani
  • Get less attached with outcomes aside from your own supreme goals so you can benefit from the encounters on your way

    – Drew


  • Marie Kondo your matchmaking programs: drive out stale fits
  • Attempt immediate interaction with some body into your life


Own your needs and limits

  • No this type of thing as being also “needy”: Everybody has needs and limits in every interactions
  • It’s about resourcefully satisfying your very own needs
  • Okay to inquire about others for help but not you may anticipate others to satisfy your preferences
  • How to ask others for assistance

    • Comprehend and recognize your requirements without judgment
    • County your needs and invite (not need) these to help
    • Graciously accept their response and follow-through

Planning the day

  • Check-in on limits and expectations:
  • Provide choices for initial date
  • Have actually a hobby in the pipeline irl or on zoom

Prep as ideal type of yourself

Real prep

  • Exercise / wank
  • Shower, bridegroom / reduce your fingernails
  • Outfit to impress (including below the waistline, in the event on movie)
  • Drink some (if you want and never driving)

Emotional and psychological preparation

  • Evaluation their as well as your dating profiles, social networking, messages
  • Review your own boundaries
  • Make dialogue subjects
  • Enjoy your pump track
  • Dance with jitters (practically and figuratively)
  • Manage your expectations
  • Arrive timely
  • Most importantly, be sure you have some fun while the experience!

In the time

  • Greeting

    • Be cozy
    • Okay to acknowledge awkwardness or nervousness
    • Start off with a go with (real and private)
    • Assessment your own boundaries and theirs (esp. irl with covid)
  • Observing one another and taking place the funnel

    • Earnestly listen and ask follow-up concerns
    • Explore their vision and use their particular title
    • Put your cellphone away concealed
    • Embrace silences
  • Share information about yourself

    • Make a positive basic effect: much more green flags than red flags
    • Keep it light, look, and have a great time
  • Present attraction very early and sometimes (in the event that you feel it)
  • Finish the go out strong

    • Thank them for a good time
    • Present interest or create programs for the following one when it feels common
    • Text later with an internal joke


  • Take your shot and plan a great very first go out!

Get sage relationship information from LGBTQ+ relationship coach

Kita Adams

as she breaks down two milestone talks:

having sexual intercourse for the first time with a brand new partner


determining the connection


Nicole (she/her) is the publisher for the HER publication and a queer events manufacturer (founder of
Dating 101
), executive/life/dating mentor, avid shark diver, and author of the upcoming memoir,

The No Arrange Plan

Within column,

On a Lim

, she centers around intentionally “learning things the tough means” by attempting something twice so you don’t have to (unless you want to!). Check Nicole on


, and discuss the encounters or ideas for what things to explore next! ???? ????

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Updated: 21 September 2023 — 10:28 pm